The Most Cunning Comebacks Ever

by Swetha Rajagopal

If you’re going to be sitting alone on Valentine’s day (don’t be sad, I’m a loner too), and you’re expecting some criticisms when you go back to school or work that following Monday, here are some ideas to shut haters right up with these great comebacks.

1. Oh, I’m sorry. Was I meant to be offended? The only thing offending me is your face…

2. I’m already visualizing duct tape over your mouth.

3. I’d slap you, but that’d be animal abuse.

4. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

5. Have you been shopping lately? They’re selling lives at the mall, and you should so totally get one.

6. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

7. When your ex says, ” You’ll never find anyone like me.”

Reply with, ” That’s the point.”

8. I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one. 

9.  Hating makes you ugly…oops, too late.

10.  I don’t argue with idiots. They’ll just lower me to their level and beat me with experience.

11. If somebody says, ” I couldn’t possibly be any happier right now. A girl/boy told me that he/she loved me.” 

The reply is, ” Aren’t parents great?”

12.  Now, saving the best for last, George Costanza’s very own comeback,” Well, the jerk store called, and they’re running out of you.”




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