by Michael Ford & Andrew Thran
After much arguing and dozens of donuts, we finally persuaded Michael to come back and help write this article. Michael agreed to return only under the condition that Andrew would remember “not to utter any of his insultingly inaccurate statements concerning the wonderful universe that all Potterheads have come to love.” So, picking up where we left off, IRON MAN VS. VOLDEMORT!!!
Andrew: What is a Potterhead? It sounds kind of stupid. Back to the point. Iron Man can go to the place and get his own stick. Then, he can defend against Voldemort’s attacks.
Michael: Okay, I need to explain a lot of things. First off, a Potterhead is the official name for a Harry Potter fan. Second, Iron Man has no way of even accessing the Wizarding World (NOT Harry Potter Land or The Place), so there is no way for him to get a WAND (NOT a stick), and third, a wand would not work for him, for Iron Man is not a wizard.
Andrew: What makes someone a wizard really? Hermione has muggle parents, so your parents don’t have to be wizards. To get to the world, you have to go to the 1 and a third or something train station.
Michael: Oh my goodness, you are hopeless. Hermione is what people call a “Muggle Born” a muggle born is someone born from a muggle family who still develops powers. However, these powers generally develop at a young age, and Iron Man has shown no sign of such abilities his entire life. And using Platform nine and three-quarters wouldn’t work either, because that portal can only be used by wizards, and is only open on certain days of the year. But none of that matters, because Iron Man wouldn’t even be able to go anywhere with Voldemort on his tail. In fact, Voldemort might even be able to use a summoning spell on the suit to bring Iron Man right back to him!
Andrew: I know that a spell can’t be up forever so Iron Man will just wait until the defense spell that protects Voldemort goes down than shoot him.
Michael: That tactic would not work for multiple reasons. Although defensive spells do not last for ever, it will hold up for weeks, and a powerful one could withstand a month of use. Second, even without a defensive spell, Voldemort can easily counter anything Iron Man has to offer. He can destroy rockets with reducto, melt bullets with incendio, and deflect energy bursts with protego.
Andrew: What about simply being punched by Iron Man?
Michael: As I brought up last week, Iron Man has virtually no chance of getting close to Voldemort, as he can be blasted backwards using any one of the many knockback jinxes and curses in existence.
Andrew: What if Iron Man uses a flamethrower?
Michael: Aquamenti, a water summoning charm, could be easily used to douse the fire, and short out iron man in the process.
Andrew: Why doesn’t Iron Man just kill all of the things like the snake?
Michael: You mean horcruxes? Destroying them wouldn’t work. Vodemort has seven horcruxes, each more dangerous and heavily guarded than the last. Even then, they can only be destroyed by rare magical objects or powerful curses, neither of which Iron Man posseses. Even if they were destroyed, Voldemort himslef would still have to be killed.
Andrew: This isn’t fair you picked the best character.
Michael: Haha! You admit it!
Andrew: NOBODY VOTE FOR VOLDEMORT!
Michael: Vote for Voldemort! He would win!
And that ends our final epic debate. However, it is still up to you to decide the winner! Please don’t forget to vote in our poll, and if you want to see any more of these articles, please comment with your opinion!
PS. We do not own Iron Man or Harry Potter. Please don’t sue us, Marvel or Warner Bros.; we have no lawyers or money.