Hello, and welcome back to “Who would Win?” — the awesome article where you choose the fighters, (but you haven’t yet, so we’ve had to keep making up our own), and Michael and Andrew have an epic debate (Joe left us for world news), and you choose the winner! (Again, you haven’t yet chosen the winner, so it will be hard for us to determine who will advance to Round 2.) Michael will fight for Thor, and Andrew will defend Iron Man! And so, without further adieu, THOR VS IRON MAN!
Michael: Well Andrew, you’re new here, so I can understand you taking the wrong side. This battle would be over in mere seconds, as Thor is a god, making him practically immortal! Plasma bursts, lasers, and rockets will have no effect on Thor. After he waits out Iron Man’s pitiful fireworks show, his elfin-made hammer, Mjolnir, will come swinging around to smack Iron Man into oblivion. Weighing in at 42.3 pounds, his hammer will blast Iron Man’s armor to bits, leaving him just a stuck-up rich guy going up against the god of thunder.
Andrew: His hammer isn’t that special. It’s pretty much an overweight hammer. It won’t even affect Iron man, whose armor is made out of iron. Actually, it is probably made out of titanium or something because iron is too heavy. The fight will be a stalemate until Thor runs out of energy since Iron Man can go on forever (he probably has adrenaline shots or something in his suit). After Thor is passed out, Iron man will pick him up, fly to an active volcano, and throw Thor in it.
Michael: What are you talking about? Thor’s hammer is amazing! Formed in the core of a dying star, Thor’s hammer can be used to unleash the power of wind, rain, and lightning. Using his hammer, he can even channel godforce, a burst of pure energy capable of vaporizing even immortals, let alone some rich guy in a robot suit. Thor’s wide array of powers include increased endurance, making the fatigue technique impossible, especially since Iron Man does not have adrenaline shots in his suit. And good luck flying him into a volcano. By throwing his hammer and grasping the leather strap, Thor can fly at incredible speeds and can hover in the air by spinning it rapidly.
Andrew: Even though Iron Man’s plasma cannons don’t affect Thor, they can still push him, so Iron Man can knock him out of the air. Also, Iron man can shoot the hammer sending it off course into a nearby volcano.
Michael: There really aren’t very many volcanoes. About the knocking Thor off course thing, that wouldn’t work either. Thor could just swing the hammer in the other direction, and Iron Man would be forced to stare helplessly as Thor rocketed toward him to deliver the final blow. Using his powers, Thor can swing his hammer around his body at high speeds, deflecting bullets, lasers, and pathetic plasma bursts.
Andrew: With all that swinging wouldn’t Thor pull a muscle???
Michael: Thor is a god with ultimate strength, ultimate endurance, and ultimate power. I’m sure he’ll be fine. But Iron Man would be far from fine once he’s been smashed by a 50-pound hammer, struck by lightning, and pounded into scrap metal by Thor’s amazing strength.
Andrew: Thor’s hammer will just make a dent in Iron man’s armor. After all, it;s made out of strong stuff. To prove it, if you watch the Avengers, there is a fight between Iron man and Thor and it’s a stalemate. In the movies it says Thor is just as strong as a human without his hammer so if he would have “misplaced” his hammer, Iron Man would finish him off in five seconds.
Michael: During the battle in the Avengers, Iron Man was about to die and would have been crushed into tinfoil if Captain America had not interfered and saved him. Thor’s hammer dented Captain America’s shield, and that’s made out of the strongest stuff in the world! I doubt Iron Man’s thin layer of metal is anywhere nearly as strong. And Thor would never lose his hammer! It is bound to him by ancient magic! Thor can summon the hammer to his hand at his will, but it can never be picked up by anyone else. Even without the hammer, Thor possesses superhuman strength and could thus pound Iron Man to scrap metal.
Andrew: Iron Man will just tell Thor we stopped believing in Norse Gods years ago, and Thor will die out of sadness.
Michael: Um… No. If you have a valid argument, by all means fire away. However, if you don’t, you might as well quit while you’re ahead.
Andrew: Ok, I’m out of ideas.
Who do you think would have won? PLEASE post your opinions in our fancy new poll, or we won’t have much to do next week. And please tell us your pick for next week, because we’re almost out of ideas.
P.S. We do not own Iron Man or Thor. Please don’t sue us Marvel. Or Disney, now that you own Marvel. Whoever controls the rights and that stuff. We have no money or lawyers.